Thursday, August 18, 2011

How can i rephrase this?

What you have started is called pive voice. To change to active voice, just start with Jordyn. Jordyn plays varsity football. Jordyn works with underprivileged children. Jordyn has an after school job and is saving for his college education. Any phrase coming before the fact about Jordyn only serves to weaken the sentence and make it seem less forceful. If the fact about Jordyn is interesting, you don't need to say so--it will be self-evident.

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